When It Was Black..

Life is just a matter of choice. Everyday we make choices that actually give life to our existence. We may choose to be content and be happy with what we already have or we may opt not to stop from achieving more. We may decide to live in vain or be strong in facing the cruelty of life that essentially shapes our character. We may prefer to breathe in the shadow of the past or get on with our lives and continue to believe that life has more to offer as long as we know how to embrace life itself.

Sometimes we are caught in the middle of making those choices simply because we are scared of what might happen next. The truth is every now then we are afraid that we may not be able to survive the consequences of our decisions. Nevertheless, if we really want to live a great life, we have to arm ourselves with courage and fortitude in facing the cost of our actions whatever it is.

These past few days I keep asking if I really made the right decision. I often told myself that it is what I want; it’s my choice and I know at this juncture it is the best thing to do. Maybe because I can’t feel the pain anymore and at this point, I don’t have the strength to endure. As they say, feel the pain until it hurts no more…

My choice cost me my happiness and my self -worth. My happiness because I know deep inside me that he still holds a portion of myself. I can’t completely let go of things that keeps me in the dark. Yet I also know that I need to make a move before I totally lose my self.
Making choices is probably one of the most difficult things to do because sometimes it takes years to recover from the ramification of our decisions. That is exactly what I am feeling right now. It seems to me that I am giving up my happiness to save myself from ruin. The question that nagging me now is, will I survive? Will I still be me when I know that I am giving up a very important piece of myself?

Then I thought when it was black. When it was, everything is real, all is true and heartfelt. Now I wish, I really wish that it is still black…